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Dr Kate Mason is a communications coach and author of the forthcoming book ‘Powerfully Likeable’, which is out in September 2025
Being called likeable can feel like a backhanded compliment.
The word can stand as code for non-threatening, a bit like describing someone as “nice”. It does not carry much weight.
In a work context, the term is frequently used in reference to those not yet seen as leadership material. “Great leaders don’t obsess about being liked. They care about being respected,” organisational psychologist Adam Grant posted on LinkedIn recently. “Liking is shallow affection. It comes from being pleasant — you bend over backwards to accommodate others. Respect is deep regard. It’s earned by being principled — you stand up for your values.”
But likeability is actually key to getting ahead. So key, in fact, that companies are recognising its value.
Recently, Starbucks began requiring baristas to write cutesy messages on cups, including guidance on precisely how to scribble positive affirmations. Streaming service Netflix issued an internal culture memo extolling the virtues of vulnerability, selflessness and humility, as well as “a high performance culture”. Being likeable carries weight when it comes to brand value and culture building, too.
But likeability is still seen as shallow or performative; not something serious leaders should concern themselves with.
The contradiction shows a misunderstanding about how we view not just likeability, but the range of qualities a leader should embrace. In truth likeability is more complex than shallow. It is the ability to create teams of allies and friends, corral people to your cause and build trust. When genuine, it can be a powerful currency.
Likeable colleagues and managers are not simply compliant; they have qualities others enjoy. This is something most people will have observed in their working lives. When you like someone professionally, you want to go in to bat for them and get them on your team. You want to promote them, work harder for them, or give them bigger opportunities.
Many years ago when I worked at Google, we asked a question to help inform decisions about new hires. Would I want to sit next to this person on a 10-hour flight? Qualifications and experience got people through the door in the first instance, but it was likeability that led to a job offer. The idea the trait is frivolous, whereas respect is earned, reveals an underestimation of likeability’s influence in a workplace.
Much research backs up evidence of our own experiences. One Harvard Business School paper showed well-liked leaders were seen as more effective, authentic and transformational, by happier teams. In a study by consultancy Zenger Folkman of 50,000 leaders, only 27 of those rated in the bottom quartile for likeability were also rated top for overall leadership effectiveness. Research by US academics suggests that juries tend to believe expert witnesses when they are — wait for it — more likeable.
Too often, culture posits that we can only have X or Y. This reveals an unduly pessimistic perception about the options available to us at the leadership buffet. In reality, we can choose from a vast range of unexpected pairings: being respected and liked; warm and principled; incisive and compassionate. When did we decide we had to short-change ourselves by choosing only one way to have authority?
There are as many ways to lead as there are leaders. Ruling out some traits as weak perpetuates the myth that we have to choose just one approach. Especially in a time of increasingly isolationist and selfish global leaders, we should be looking beyond mutually exclusive thinking when it comes to running organisations.
Some may say a push for respect from academics such as Grant is timely. Certainly that is true: now more than ever we need people to be unafraid of standing up for their values. But we need to ensure they can do so without feeling a need to make trade-offs.
As the former prime minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Ardern, said: “One of the criticisms I’ve faced over the years is that I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough, or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak. I totally rebel against that. I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong.”
Many leaders I work with explain they want to be liked and respected. They see benefits in both. Choosing likeability does not have to mean rescinding your power or becoming subservient at work: it can unlock opportunity, community and business value, too.